COMMENTARY: This is not a Valentine’s Day column


Let me establish that I am a romantic. I can recite entire scenes from “Now, Voyager,” the 1942 melodrama romance, which is proof of concept.

That being said, I have long thought that modern love is long on social maneuvering and short — painfully short — on science.

Since the answer to the question “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” is the egg, we will start there.

An egg is a biologically expensive piece of equipment. It is large. Not only is the egg energyrich, but the factory and delivery systems are equally resourceheavy. Eggs are costly to maintain and in relatively short supply. That makes them valuable. There have been technical studies (very technical — you may read them if you wish, but you will enjoy this synopsis much better) comparing the gonad biomass and energy that it takes to produce eggs and sperm. The difference is incredible.

To produce sperm (that includes the entire delivery system — hook, line and sinker so to speak) it takes the body about 0.1 percent of energy available from basal metabolism.

Eggs cost the body a whopping 3,000 times more energy than sperm to create! That makes them expensive, rare and valuable. Eggs are the diamonds of biological evolution!

In nature that shows itself in females who, valuing their “3,000-a-pop” eggs, insist on males who prove they are strong, healthy, and good providers. Granted, some of those proofing sessions end up on “Animal Planet” as two bulls dusting it up in the meadow, but evidence must be provided. Those females on “Animal Planet” don’t seem the least bit interested in males who don’t measure up. Neither do they care if the other females tease them about being without a mate. If they can’t get the best, they will happily go without. This attitude is oddly reminiscent of a maiden aunt of mine who, when asked at a wedding shower if she regretted never marrying, confidently replied “It takes a mighty good man to beat none at all.”

If eggs are costly, where does that leave sperm?

How do you rank if the body creates you out of its loose change? If eggs are diamonds then what are sperm?

Agates, maybe. They are certainly not worthless.

Necessary in fact. But the difference between diamonds and agates is in how you spend them.

Unfortunately modern culture seems to want women to treat their diamonds the same way men treat their marbles — agates I mean. Mistake!

Women have a rare and expensive commodity that should be shared with a select few. Men have agates that can be gambled on any game of chance. But what happened? The feminist movement took a real walk in the weeds when it decided that “liberation” meant that women should behave sexually the same way men do.

Ladies! Why ape a lesser ape?

I was part of the feminist movement at the beginning. I thought we were working hard on equal pay and equal job opportunities. Instead we ended up advocating casual and random sexual involvement.

Unfortunately, there was lots of support for the latter, and an equal and opposite amount of resistance for the former.

Society took the easy route and here we are.

This is not about Valentine’s Day. This is about teaching our daughters to analyze every young man from a lofty point of view. This man needs me much more than I need him.

Does he have 3,000 times more value in brains, discipline and work ethic than all other men? I am the diamond in this relationship. What does this agate bring to the table?

Love is sweet, but science seals the deal.