Messy room can be scary

Years ago while visiting the home of a salesman my husband worked with, we were warned by his oldest son that his pet boa constrictor had gotten out of its cage.

He insisted we didn’t have to worry that the snake was probably under his bed and if we saw it in the hallway we shouldn’t panic because it wouldn’t hurt us.

He explained that this had happened before and that the snake would reappear whenever it got hungry.

This teenage boy’s room looked as though a tornado had hit it. There were piles of dirty clothes, magazines, dirty dishes and athletic equipment all over the floor.

I have never seen anything like it. After seeing his room, I understood why they couldn’t find the snake.

Experts will tell you that between the ages of 9 through 13 it’s not unusual for children to be messy and disorganized. This personal disorganization is often brought on by the growth change in the young person.

Adolescents begin to realize they are growing up and that they are leaving their childhood behind. It’s a confusing time when children want to cling to their youth, but at the same time feel uncertain about where they go from here.

To a teen, the way he or she decorates their room or the state in which they keep their room is a way of showing their independence and sometimes opposing parental rules.

I am very much in favor of adolescent expression, but I have never allowed my children to trash their rooms.

Living in a pig sty and trashing a room has nothing to do with a teen expressing his or her individuality. It does, however show disrespect for their parent’s home.

A child’s room is part of your home and even though you allow them to have a say in what color walls they have or what posters they want to put up. The room is still part of your home.

When dealing with teens, picking your battles is important. There will be times when you let certain things slide, especially if you are dealing with more serious issues. But, just like everything else, your teen needs rules in order to learn responsibility.

Allowing your children to have a closed-door policy so that you don’t have to look at a messy room can lead to other problems. Supervision is important during adolescence and allowing your child to have a lock on his door at all times, or a drawer with a lock can lead to the child being tempted to experiment with the forbidden.

Parents should always knock before they enter their children’s rooms, but just like the Internet and other things they should have access to their child’s room.

Some children are neater than others, but the environment they live in teaches them about how to take care and maintain their space.

The best way to teach a child how to be responsible is to explain clearly what it is you expect from him or her. Ask your child what he or she thinks the consequence should be when they don’t clean their room. From their suggestions choose a consequence you both agree on.

When your child doesn’t clean his or her room, don’t nag, threaten, or yell, just follow through with the consequence.

When your children realize you are serious and you won’t let them get away with a dirty room they will become more responsible.

Every family is different and what might drive one parent crazy might not bother another so decide what is important to you and teach your children at a young age how to organize and keep their rooms clean.

Maria Luisa Salcines is a freelance writer, certified parent educator and corporate empowerment consultant with The International Network for Children and Families in Redirecting Children’s Behavior, Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom, and Redirecting Corporate America. Contact her at her Web site at www.redirectingchildrenrgv.org.