Guilt denies women peace

Healthy guilt serves a purpose in life, it keeps us from doing things we shouldn’t and lets us know when we’ve done something wrong and need to make changes.

Some women, however, take guilt to another level and don’t enjoy their life because they are always thinking they should be doing something else.

If they work outside the home they feel guilty about not being with their children. If they stay at home and are not using their college degree they feel guilty about not contributing to the family finances.

The truth is that perfection doesn’t exist and many women push themselves to exhaustion trying to do too much and trying to be everything to everyone.

The majority of moms today work outside the home or run a business from their home, yet women still get caught up in the mentality that they must do it all.

It’s impossible to work full time, get your children to all the activities they are involved in, have an immaculate house and serve a five-course dinner.

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or work outside the home, you have to learn how to balance and how to ask for help when you need it. You have to learn how to take care of yourself and how to teach your family to take care of you.

Your family needs you, but they can also survive without you. Your children don’t need you all the time and when you are tired and don’t rest enough you become impatient and a grouchy mother.

Taking time for you is OK. Taking a nap when you need it, going for a walk, or out to dinner with your husband will revive you and make you a more patient loving mother and wife.

Women have a tendency to put off doing things for themselves. They use the excuse that they don’t have time and the truth is they usually don’t. There comes a point, though, when you have to re-evaluate your life and ask yourself if the stress you put yourself — and sometimes your children — through is worth it.

Are there things you can get out of doing that would make your life easier?  Limit the activities your children are in? Don’t feel bad about saying no when you are asked to volunteer, if you know you really don’t have the time.

Remember that eventually your children will grow up and you will have time to get more involved in the things that interest you.

It is more important for your children to have a relaxed mother and for your husband to have a happy wife.

When a woman is exhausted it is difficult for her to find purpose and meaning in her life. It’s difficult to see all the wonderful things you have and to feel joy when all you want to do is sleep.

Annette Funicello one of my favorite actresses from the ’60s and a woman who has been battling multiple sclerosis since 1987 said, “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”

Life can be wonderful without a woman having to push herself to exhaustion trying to get everything just right.

Your family needs you to stay healthy and really doesn’t care about all the other expectations of super mom you have brought upon yourself. Learn to love yourself and teach your family to take care of you.

Maria Luisa Salcines is a freelance writer, certified parent educator and parent coach with The International Network for Children and Families in Redirecting Children’s Behavior, Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom, and Redirecting Corporate America. Contact her at her Web site at www.redirectingchildrenrgv.org.