DISCUSS: Cinema's Sexiest Military Men (and Woman)

The release of GI Joe Rise of Cobra Friday means one of two things for moviegoers. For some (mostly men), it means their childhood toys come to life, and while they won’t admit it, a part of them still wants to make machine gun sounds to accompany the action scenes. For the rest (mostly women), it means beefcakes in uniform. Yum.

But imagine my consternation when the cast list for the movie came out. A prime opportunity for a hot leading man was wasted on Channing Tatum, unlovingly referred to in some circles as Mr. Potatohead. Note to producers and moviemakers: Boy butterfaces (buht-er-feys, n. good body, ugly face) are only leading men when they’re starring next to Amanda Bynes in a teen flick, not in giant blockbusters.

For a more concrete example of what they should have done, check out my list of Cinema’s Top 10 Military Hotties.

Like visuals? Check out the slideshow here.

10. Will Smith in Independence Day – If you like alien fighters with wit
For the sake of simplicity, most supernatural combat fighters have been left off this list. But in this movie, Smith is an actual United States Marine Corp. captain before he starts fighting E.T., so an exception was made. His sharp wit (thanks, writers) and muscles (thanks, Will) add to his appeal.

9. Josh Duhamel in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – If you like friends of Autobots
Robots aren’t supernatural. So, there. Duhamel plays Maj. William Lennox, an ally of the Autobots. Fun fact: He also depicted Marine Lt. Danny McCoy on NBC’s Las Vegas. Shia, can you say “overshadowed?”

8. Demi Moore in G.I. Jane – If you like girls who are stronger than you
On the request of my male co-workers, Moore is being placed on this list. And let’s face it; she was a major bad---. She plays a character who likely was one of those girls who made boys cry on the playground. And boys who dig her in this movie are the ones who liked it.

7. Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman – If you like clean-cut guys with emotional wounds
He’s not technically a military man until near the end of this movie, but that’s OK. An exception will be made because he’s emotionally wounded throughout the film. You know you like that stuff.

6. Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan – If you like fighters, not lovers
Damon could almost be qualified as a guest star as he plays the title character of this movie. But this list is about how these people look in still frames with dirt on their faces, not the movie (which in this case was awesome) or time on screen.

5. George Clooney in Three Kings – If you like gold-stealing hotties
When the poster to this film can produce tremors of joy, you know you’re in for a good time. As a challenge, name a time when George freaking Clooney wasn’t really, really good looking in a movie. Nevermind, I remembered Syriana.

4. Tom Cruise in Top Gun – If you like guys who have seriously cool names
It was a tight race. Cruise in Top Gun or in A Few Good Men? Ultimately, aviators and a flight suit pushed Maverick over the bar. Sorry, Lt. j. g. Daniel Kaffee. Plus, no one can beat Jensen Ackles’ portrayal of Kaffee in the stage version of the movie (Military pants were never so kind).

3. Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbor – If you like dude in a bromance
Army Air Corps 1st Lts. Rafe McCawley and Danny Walker (played by Josh Hartnett) had an unbreakable bond in this bad war movie. I’m surprised Kate Beckinsale’s character was able to unlock the guys’ eyes. But for a shot at McCawley, I’d be willing to share, too.

2. Johnny Depp in Platoon – If you like guys who will one day be unstoppable studs
His part was miniscule to say the least. But show me a hotter man in military garb, and I’ll show you a god of unheard of proportions.

1. Heath Ledger in The Patriot – If you like guys who fight for their family (of course you do)
Hello, god of unheard of proportions. Ledger takes this one for many reasons. The foremost being that while watching this movie over and over for his hotness, I learned who the heck Gen. Cornwallis was. Yes, he used his hotness for the sake of education. Was Heath ever not giving to the greater good? I miss him.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Jake Gyllenhaal in Jarhead – If you like boys with large, vacant eyes.
Eric Bana in Black Hawk Down – If you like foreigners fighting for America.
Mel Gibson in Patriot and We Were Soldiers – If you’re into older dudes.
Ryan Phillipe in Flags of Our Fathers – If you like boys prettier than you are.
Goldie Hawn in Private Benjamin – If you like girls.

What do you think? Did we miss anyone important? Who deserved to be on this list? Comment with suggestions.

Sandra Gonzalez covers entertainment and the film industry for The Monitor. You can reach her at (956) 683-4427.