The shocking things Festiva saw at Voyeur Nights

A man with painted on quadriceps slithered across Cine El Rey's stage. He wore only silver bike shorts and feathered Mardi Gras mask.

A second man joined him, wearing a Native American headdress. Guy No. 2 busted flares, shoulder rolls and other break dancing moves. Three scantily clad women framed him, shaking their barely covered curves as a smoke machine fired around them.

And it all felt like the best Aztec-themed frat party ever thrown. It was Saturday's Teatro Voyeur Nights show at Cine El Rey, and not since college have I seen so many moderately attractive people performing slightly above-average dance moves while a drunken throng cheered them on.

All the standard college party people were there. There were the Intimate Secrets lingerie models. They looked a bit too young to drink, and they filled in nicely for the freshmen and sophomore girls who were always a bit too naked at college shindigs. And who could forget the pair of totally righteous bros fighting over a chick? The Mardi Gras mask guy and the head dress dancer eventually came to blows, trading sets of back flips and handsprings in the best break dance fight since Hansel and Zoolander.

And of course, this party featured the couples oblivious to those around them. They grinded away amid the crowd at Cine El Rey, eyes closed, music bumping and hormones throbbing.

I don't now what I expected going into the show. A friend outside said it was kind of like an erotic Cirque du Soleil, if that show were only five minutes long. And he pretty much nailed it. All together, there was maybe 30 to 45 minutes of performance. The rest of the night was just dance party and boozing.

Organizers say the event will become a series, but the $20+ ticket prices may hamper that plan. It is a recession after all. But that didn't deter the packed crowd, for which theater staffers hauled in dozens of extra chairs.

All in all, the event left me a bit tantalized. More than anything though, I felt hardcore nostalgia for some raging off-campus rental house, slapping high fives to my best bro Scott McGregor the Jaeger Terminator.

Props to

• The excellent party atmosphere, good choice to have models mingle with the crowd before hand.
• The make up artist who did the black paint body painting. That was really impressive.
• The two women who bent in joint-defying ways to form a human rectangle.
• The DJs, who even made the constant advertising for Intimate Secrets Lingerie and Rock Star Tanning fun with skilled work on the wheels of steel.
• Cine El Rey, the best and most versatile music venue in the Valley. The cool couches and music heightened the pre-show atmosphere to a near frenzy. And the servers were speedy and hard working.

Needs work

• The costumes were noticeably cheap, especially the dude with the Mardi Gras mask, biker shorts and painted on muscles.
• The modeling could have used a costume change or two. They trotted the same group of six or seven models out all night in lingerie, and some variety of outfits would have been nice.

Zack Quaintance covers features and entertainment for Festiva. You can reach him at (956) 683-4447.