Comedian, San Juan native Cristela Alonzo is on her way to the big time
A contestant on NBC’s popular reality show Last Comic Standing may have seemed familiar to some in the Rio Grande Valley.
Comedian and San Juan native Cristela Alonzo appeared on the season premiere June 7 with her audition and during the showcase. It was her third time to audition for the show and the first time she made it through to the semifinals.
“I did the showcase one time before and I was actually edited out,” Alonzo said. “That year I told my family to watch, not knowing that I wasn’t going to be on it, so my family was like, ‘You’re such a liar! Why would you lie to us?’ So this is the first year I’ve made it this far.”
The 31-year-old has written for the Comedy Central show Mind of Mencia, featuring comedian Carlos Mencia, and she has written scripts for short films. Alonzo, a graduate of Pharr-San Juan-Alamo High School, recently performed at the annual conference for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute in Washington, D.C.
She is headed to Sacramento, Calif., to perform four shows at the Punchline Comedy Club this week.
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The Monitor: Is the Valley and your upbringing here a big inspiration for your stand-up comedy?
Cristela Alonzo: “Oh, totally. When you grow up in the Valley, you kind of just accept life as just that — life in the Valley is just life in general. And then when I left the Valley, I realize that we were all totally different in the Valley. I grew up in a very Mexican neighborhood, so everybody was Mexican. Like my boyfriend now, he’s Jewish, and I was telling him: ‘When I saw you, I was like, “Oooh, look at you, you’re so exotic.” Like, “What are you? You’re like a unicorn to me. I don’t even know what you are!’”
TM: Are you planning on performing in the Valley anytime soon?
CA: “I’m going to go down there in August anyway to see my brothers, so I figured I would maybe book a show there, if possible.”
TM: Of all the things you could be doing in theater, film, etc., why did you choose stand-up?
CA: “Because stand-up is a perfect combination of everything. You can act, you can write your own thing, and you know, the only thing about stand-up that sucks is that if you write something that’s not funny, there’s no one to blame but yourself. At least if you act, you can be like, ‘Oh, the writing sucked!’ But in stand-up you’re like, ‘The writer sucks … oh yeah.’”
TM: What will come next if you win Last Comic Standing?
CA: “Just a lot of touring. I mean, honestly, the only reason I wanted to do Last Comic Standing is so that people could know my name. I love stand-up so much. Maybe one day I can get close to doing like 10 percent of what George Lopez has been able to do and I’d
be happy.”
TM: What happens if you lose?
CA: “You know, same thing, except people won’t have a clue who I am.”
TM: Did you do anything other than theater in high school?
CA: “I was actually a total nerd. When I was in high school, I was in the Academic Decathlon. … I was on Masterminds back then. Oh, I was in Masterminds, like, all my high school years. It’s funny because in Masterminds … I made a total fool of myself in one of the episodes that aired.”
Amy Nichol Smith covers features and entertainment for The Monitor. She can be reached at (956) 683-4420.
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KNOW YOUR COMIC: Cristela Alonzo
>> Favorite Rio Grande Valley slang word: “It’s actually a phrase. ‘Ta bueno. It annoys my brother Eloy when we say it and that makes me happy.”
>> Favorite Valley Mexican food restaurant: “Breakfast tacos from El Pato, Taco Palenque’s tacos and La Mexicana Restaurant in Pharr.”
>> South Padre Island beach or bay: “Beach, always beach. I grew up with the beach.”
>> Reynosa or Progreso: “Oh, Reynosa. I honestly don’t even acknowledge Progreso.”
>> What’s the most Valley thing you do? “First thing I do is buy an elote. I actually buy two. No one makes them like they do down there. I love them. It’s my weakness, my kryptonite.”
>> Favorite Selena song: “No Me Queda Más” and “Bidi Bidi Bom Bom”
>> Favorite raspa: “Always grape” from Popeye’s Snow Wiz in San Juan. “I grew up with this — it’s like a million years old and I love it.”
Be sure to catch Alonzo in the semifinals of Last Comic Standing next week. Until then, you can watch the New York auditions for the reality show at 7 p.m. today on NBC.
