ANDY COMER: Why, oh, why won't you call me, E.T.?

"A shaken British soldier told June 24 how he saw 13 UFOs spinning in the skies above his military barracks ... Ministry of Defence experts were studying his report and video yesterday - after ordering the soldier and his pals not to say anything else about the incident ..."

"UFO enthusiasts got a boost Friday, June 20, when Welsh police confirmed that one of their helicopter crews had spotted an ‘unusual aircraft' flying over Cardiff earlier this month. An investigation into the sighting had been launched, they said."

More recent reports of an unidentified object again got my hopes up that maybe, just maybe, we finally have proof that aliens from another planet really are visiting Earth. Then my skeptical side took over.

First of all, I never believe any UFO reports from the United Kingdom. The nation's rash of crop circles a while back definitely piqued my interest, until someone came forward and admitted the ornate designs in the fields were a hoax. They bloody fooled us all.

Earth is just a tiny speck in the universe, and the chances of us being visited by aliens are extremely scant - but still possible.

If there is intelligent life out there, it has a long way to travel to get here. The closest star to Earth aside from the sun, Proxima Centuri, is more than 4 light years away. With our current technology, it would take earthlings about 150,000 years to get there if travelling in the Space Shuttle. And why, of all planets, would aliens decide to visit Earth? Surely there are more interesting places to visit with life intelligent enough not to destroy the very planet that sustains them.

With everyone having cameras these days, why don't we have a clear picture or a video of a UFO or even an alien? So far, all I've ever seen are blotchy photos that people claim are UFOs. I guess I need more evidence than a hilljack swearing that little green men performed some sort of anal probe on him. (Note to aliens: You won't find much in our butts.)

Then there's the whole Roswell incident. On July 7, 1947, a UFO supposedly crashed in a field near Roswell, New Mexico. Conspiracy theorists still claim to this day that the military was and is covering up the whole thing, with the Air Force officially explaining the "UFO" was really a crashed weather balloon. So if UFOs are crashing into things, why hasn't one crashed into a more populated area? Surely aliens have accidents, too.

Anyway, the alleged alien craft, as well as alien carcasses, were reportedly hurried away by the military to Wright Field, now Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, in my hometown of Dayton, Ohio. The base is surrounded by an entire city - so why would the military take the most important find in all of human history and store it in the middle of a metropolitan area? And why hasn't anyone come forward all these years later to talk about what they saw or even offer some sort of evidence?

UFO sightings have become much more prevalent since the end of World War II. I don't know if that's because people have been more willing to talk about sightings, or if what they're seeing are some sort of top-secret military aircraft. Perhaps people are seeing UFOs because they want to see them - they see something they can't explain in the night sky and excitedly claim it to be an alien craft.

Despite my skepticism and no real evidence of either aliens or UFOs, I still want to believe aliens visit Earth. I guess it's nice to think that we aren't alone, that there's more out there than the inky blackness of outer space.

Let's just hope the aliens aren't hostile and aren't interested in anal probes.

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Andy Comer is a copy editor and columnist for The Monitor. You can e-mail him at acomer@themonitor.com.